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It’s spring….

Wattle pops.

Bulbs burst.

Pansies grin.

Poppies pop.

Jasmine scents the still-crisp air while wisteria flings purple rain at our feet.

It’s the time of beginnings.

I have two bags packed behind me. One contains a collection of grey, black, white and blue clothing – all of it soft. Desk-wear! The other holds books, papers, postcards, notebooks and my laptop. When I look at them, they represent hope and fear in equal parts…

img_2426I’m off on retreat. Amazingly, it has been just over a year since I went to Bundanon to immerse, and I look back and see how much has been achieved as a result of that three weeks. A book took final shape and is in the last stages of pre-publication flurry. I’ve written articles and re-shaped a monologue. I’ve read audiobooks and conducted interviews. I’ve given speeches and chaired sessions. A little silence went a very long way.

 

img_4566It’s time to hunker down and return to another silence; time to let the messy stuff of my mind have free rein so that perhaps, with luck and that old fair wind and an even bigger dollop of silence, something can begin to be shaped.

If I had to imagine what the process looks like, it would be akin to peering into a bale of tangled and knotted knitting wool, before plunging my hand in to grab a strand, and then hooking it onto a needle and beginning to knit, without a pattern, or an idea of what colour I had chosen – and hoping for a Fairisle sweater to emerge!

It’s why we have to love hope. It’s the best of the qualities that make us human, don’t you think?

img_1907And then there is fear.

The voice that says I will probably stab myself with that knitting needle, which is likely to be septic or toxic somehow anyway, and cause an artery to bleed, thus ruining the sweater and stopping my life!

All that will, of course, be a good thing, because then I won’t get to write the thing that would have been dreadful anyway.

Look, a day would not be complete without a little bit of catastrophising!

img_4590But the thing is, that is the dance of everything we make, if it matters to us. Every risk. Every creation. Every initiation. Every beginning…

Hope and fear. The possible and the dreadful.

But somewhere in the mix, there is also a thing called faith. I don’t know if it’s a feeling or an idea or a joke, but it’s faith that makes me put down one foot then another when I’m walking. So that is what I hope to do now.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately, as I’ve been performing my monologue at a couple of festivals, about that Antonio Machado poem I love…

Caminante, no hay camino…

Walker, there is no road. We make the road by walking.

img_2434That’s it, isn’t it?

We don’t know anything at the beginning. We don’t even know if there is a road. But we step out, and we walk, and when we look back, we can see the road we made….

I love it. And it seems the right poem for a person who is about to do some tunnelling at a desk, away from home, in silence. Fearing there is nothing; hoping there is…something…

A beginning.

I so hope your spring yields creativity and beauty aplenty, and that each time you take a step, you are making a good road.

28-current-issue_instaPS If you are interested to read two articles that rose from my journey in France and Spain earlier this year (the previous two posts), grab a copy of the Spring issue of Slow Living magazine. It’s in newsagents now, and if it isn’t, please ask yours to get it in! Or you can order online at their website. I think it is a ripper issue – especially for travellers!

 

18 thoughts on “Beginning again…

  1. Noisy heads is where it starts. Silence, even for just a few minutes, opens our whole selves to the divine presence. Ailsa I love your stepping out. Life is ndeed an adventure. Thank you for the blessings we receive from your written word.
    Much love go with you,
    Trish???

    1. Ah Trish. Thanks so much. I arrived today at the retreat and it is deep deep silence, and I can feel it infecting me already. So grateful for this chance to sprawl out mentally and hopefully…onto the page. Thanks for walking with me. x

  2. Noisy head=monkey mind =ego driven chatter,
    I’m trying to lead with the heart!
    You’re extremely courageous and that inspires me,
    Thankyou for your written offering, lifts my heart and brings a smile.

    1. Thank you Julie. I’m grateful for our ongoing to and fro. I will remember to try to let the heart lead now that I’m here at the desk. My mind can get a bit too critical.

  3. Just when I thought age had caught up an invitation came to move to a new place of living in beautiful Gippsland . Your post inspires me to” slow down and be.” It is so difficult to do when the move is in progress but Thursday is D Day and a new way of living awaits.

    1. Dear Helen. My love and wishes go with you as you settle into a new home. It is such a big undertaking, but I know you will transition with grace. May it be comfort and joy. Ailsa x

  4. Ailsa, so lovely to read your new post Beginning Again. After listening to you on Australia all Over with Macca and then each Sunday I think will you be there speaking to Macca. I know all about hope, fear, risks and faith. I’ve been experiencing it over the last 12 months moving from interstate to Brisbane, after living many years outside of Queensland. I had been advised not to follow family. I don’t believe my retirement was going to be so difficult. One can not turn back the clock almost 40 years and expect a city to stay the same. Certainly a lesson to stay put where one has good friends, social connections and familiar surroundings. I’m planning to return to the place I love next year.

    1. Hi June,
      Thanks so much for visiting. We all have to follow hearts and instincts to find home, don’t we? For me, in recent times, it has been in upheaval and newness. In leaving the familiar. That was vital for life. But for you, there is the recognition that nourishment comes in what you have built. That is wonderful – even if a bit later than you’d wanted! But you will return with a fresh spring in your step, and I hope hope hope it brings joy. Love to you. x

  5. One of my favourite mantras for walking meditation is ‘MY HEART IS STRONG’ with a word on each step, and Om mani padmi Hom which is something like the jewel in the lotus opens the heart, bad translation but a lovely thought. ?

  6. From walks along the Elwood canal to walks around the world. Such wonderful memories of lemon meringue pies classical guitar and coffees at The grocery. My old mate! News is slow to reach the western shores but heartfelt hugs to you

    1. Oh Adie, this is lovely to hear from you. Yes, time and tide. So much under the bridge. But those memories are some of my loveliest. So hope you are well. Thanks for stopping by. xxxx

  7. Hi Ailsa
    welcome to the first day of 2017
    I hope this post finds you well and ready to tackle whatever life has in store for you – all good things only ?
    i am looking forward to your new book coming out this year ?
    I would like to ask you have you done any walks as part of the Camino from Portugal to Santiago. I believe the walk from Lisbon to Santiago takes in a lot of the coastline and for a 57 year old first time walker I would love to be able to see the ocean during this walk
    thank you in advance

    1. Hi Deborah,
      A very happy and expansive 2017 to you too. Thanks for the wishes. Yes, hopefully many many good things. The new book comes out in late March and I’m very excited about it. I feel incredibly grateful.
      In answer to your question about Portugal…yes and no! I walked from Porto to Santiago a few years back, but there was very little coast along the stretch. I did enjoy the walk very much and the people along the way were unbelievably charming and kind. Always helpful and curious. I am sure you’d enjoy it. But sadly I can’t help with the Lisbon to Porto leg. Regardless, I have never had a bad camino experience, and as long as you take your time and walk like a snail, you will LOVE it. Buen camino and walk strong. Ailsa xxxx

  8. Hi Alisa, loved your article Border Crossing in Slow Living magazine. Just beautiful writing. Thank you.
    Karla

    1. What a gift to receive Karla. Thank you so very much. Im struggling with a piece of writing at the moment and this is such a lovely note to receive. Thank you. You are kind. I hope you get an unexpected gift today, too. Ailsa x

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